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BOYS FROM THE DWARF
Know your enemy

Danger of contamination

As you have bothered to come this far, I Talkie Toaster feel it is incumbant on me to give you a rather more detailed bi-op on the boys. Scroll down if you will and take a while to really get to know who we are.

(just as an aside: if you happen to be one of the boys and you have yet to send me a photo, F@#$%&! GET ON WITH IT, thank you!).

Kryten

KRYTEN
FOUNDING MEMEBER
Loyal, trusting, emotionaly unstable, handy with any number of household utensils, what more could you ask for in a friend? With his handsome chiseled good looks and ability to lie, he's one guy we could not do without, especialy when it come to Listy's washing.

Lister

LISTER
FOUNDING MEMBER
Dave Lister is a bastard. OK, he may have a few good points like loyalty, humanity and friendship but they pall into insignificance when compared to his bad side. Take for example his guitar playing. It makes my crumb tray rattle and the less said about the toastercide incident the better!

Chris

CHRISSY WHISSY
Computer programer? ... computer technition? ... something to do with computers? Chris is a great guy. We all love his cheeky smile, happy go lucky attitude and pocket protecters. While he displays an almost Kryten like interest in the heady world of network engineering, he also comes close to Listy in his drinking and falling over exercises

Ripley

RIPLEY
This woman is the hardest smegin' person in the whole posse, and that includes Bruce. She kicks arse, which is a good thing as we tend to run in to alot of fruitcakes, most of whom want to play our frontal loabs like bongo drums. She is smart, skilled, an expert at large scale Bar-B-Qing, and she also looks pretty cute in the whole panties and vest get up (I may be just a toaster, but I know a nice piece of crumpet when I see one!)

Dr Who

DR WHO
This is the Doctors 4th regeneration and by far the best, or so we think. Due to the kind of temporal anomoly that we tend to bump into from time to time, we get to chill with the dude. He's great, always has a sonic screwdriver when you need one (philips and flathead) and has a never ending supply of jelly babies. Also, sometimes you get to see Layla too! Hubba hubba.

Trev

DERVEL
AB CADARN
Big and chunky are the first things that spring to mind when you think about Dervel (its pronounced "derfull" by the way, not "drivel" which seems to be a popular choice). Big heart, chuncky waistline to be exact! Ha, only kidding! It's not his waistline thats chunky if you know what I mean. He and Chris tend to compete for the Dave Lister Championship Drunkard of the Year award. He also does a very tasteful line in Jackson Pollocks.

Johnny

JOHNNY BRAVO
Buff, studley, all round ladies man. Any crew would be proud to have this icon of manlyness on the team. He has a black belt in 8 different martial arts and one in contempory dance, plus he can comb his hair REALLY fast.A total stud muffin! What a guy.

The Cat

THE CAT
FOUNDING MEMEBER
Good looking, suave, debonair and with the sexual mores of Pepe le Pue, the Cat is one awesome dude, even if he does say so himself. Also, he has the largest wardrobe in the known universe and is the only creature ever to be able to pull off "inards and lavender".

Rimmer

RIMMER
FOUNDING MEMBER
but only when faced with huge salivating monsters or rogue simulants, otherwise he regards us as "people he met". Known as Old Iron Balls to his friends (?) and as Smeghead to everyone else, he is dishonest, cowardly, snide, sarcastic, pedantic and possibly the most annoying person in the entire universe. Fits right in with the rest of us!

Homer

HOMER
is the MAN! Who else has his poise, his charm or his girth? Often mistaken for CAMILE, homer is just the kind of guy you need when you and the posse need to lay down the law and throw a little weight around. Besides, he makes more drool than Ripleys alien buddy.

Steve

FLUFFY BUNNY
Almost as messy as Lister, Fluffy is an easy guy to get along with. Apart from the tantrums that is. And the huge ego. And the fact that he is constantly pushing large chunks of metal through bits of his face. Other than that, and a few other minor things, the guys a gem. He plays good guitar as well (really he does, not like Listy).

Bruce

BRUCE LEE
POSTHUMAS MEMBER
Every gang needs someone who can beat the crap out of people and Bruce is ours. Apart from being dead handy when some smeg head wants to cause a little agro, with comments like "Red Dwarf? that program sucks" or "I think the new Kochanski is much better than Clair Grogan", he's also a dab hand at the foxtrot. You never know when you might need to foxtrot!

James

SLICK
I'm not quite sure what to put about Slick. He probably resembles Rimmer more than anyone else in the posse. He has the ego, delusions of grandure, unmanigable hair and bad taste in clothes that are so Rimmer like. At least he's not sarcastic (see Dave Upjohn). He likes to think that he is not so much a Rimmer, more an Ace in the making!

Rachel

RACHELI
Shy and retiring, Rach' is my favourite homeboy. Having mastered the intricasies of Biochemistry, it is nice to know that at least one of the lads (myself excluded) could actually find their way out of a paper bag. She's cute too. And she likes toast!

Construction

STILL WAITING FOR A FEW OF THE BOYS TO GET BACK TO ME WITH THEIR PICIES. AS SOON AS THEY PULL THEIR FINGERS OUT I'LL HAVE 'EM POSTED.

Danger of contamination

"Can you imagine a society composed entirely of me"?

"Thousands upon thousands of back-stabbing treacherous hypocritical cowardly slime-mongering Judases".

"The whole planet is populated with back-stabbing slimeballs".

RIMMERWORLD SEASON VI